How to Overcome Guilt and Shame: Unleashing Your Inner Warrior

How to overcome guilt and shame

If you’ve ever felt like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders this blog is for you. 

It’s almost like no matter what you do, it's just never enough. 

If you're nodding along, thinking, "How did she know?" then pull up a chair, grab your favorite mug, and let's dive into the nitty-gritty of how to overcome guilt and shame. 

The Guilt and Shame Tango: My Personal Dance with Unworthiness

Picture this: A woman in her prime, crushing it at work, juggling family life like a pro, and from the outside, looking like she's got it all together. That was me, or so everyone thought until I crashed into burnout.

But behind closed doors? I was drowning in a sea of guilt and shame, desperately trying to keep my head above water.

Every unchecked box on my to-do list? Guilt.

Every time I chose work over family? Guilt.

And when that guilt piled up day after day, week after week? It morphed into something far more insidious – shame.

I remember one particular breaking point. I had missed my son's cross country meet because of a "crucial" work meeting. As I sat in that sterile conference room, my mind wasn't on quarterly reports or profit margins. It was on my son's face, probably scanning the spectators, looking for me.

That night, as I wished him good night, I saw the hurt in his eyes, the guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. But it didn't stop there.

That guilt quickly spiraled into shame. I wasn't just feeling bad about missing the meet; I was feeling bad about who I was as a person. "What kind of mother does this?" I thought. "I'm a terrible parent. I don't deserve his love."

And there it was – the shame trap. I had fallen into it, hook, line, and sinker.

Guilt vs. Shame: The Dynamic Duo of Despair

Now, Brave Soul, before we go any further, let's break down these two emotions that often go hand in hand but are oh-so-different.

Guilt: The Uncomfortable Teacher

Guilt is that nagging feeling you get when you've done something that doesn't align with your values. 

It's that voice in your head saying, "Hey, that wasn't cool." And you know what? That voice isn't always a bad thing. 

Guilt can be a teacher, nudging us to examine our actions and make better choices next time. 

Shame: The Soul-Crushing Imposter

Shame, on the other hand, is the voice that whispers, "You're not cool."

It's not about what you've done; it's about who you are. 

Shame tells you that you're fundamentally flawed, unworthy of love and connection. It's the belief that you're broken at your core. 

The Shame Spiral: How I Got Stuck (And How You Might Be Too)

Here’s what I’ve learned…  Once shame takes hold, it's like quicksand. The more you struggle, the deeper you sink. 

Here's how my shame spiral looked: 

1. I'd make a mistake or fall short of my own impossible standards. 

2. Guilt would creep in, making me feel bad about my actions. 

3. Instead of learning from the guilt, I'd internalize it. 

4. Shame would take over, convincing me I was a bad person. 

5. Feeling unworthy, I'd push myself harder to prove my worth. 

6. Inevitably, I'd fall short again, and the cycle would repeat. 

Sound familiar? If you're nodding along, know that you're not alone. This cycle is all too common, but here's the kicker – it's also breakable. 

Breaking Free: My Journey to Overcoming Guilt and Shame

Here's where the rubber meets the road. How do we break free from this cycle? How do we learn how to overcome guilt and shame? It's not easy, but I promise you, it's worth it. 

Step 1: Recognize the Difference

The first step in my journey was learning to distinguish between guilt and shame. When I felt that familiar pang of "not good enough," I'd stop and ask myself: "Am I feeling bad about something I did, or am I feeling bad about who I am?" 

This simple question was a game-changer. It helped me realize that most of the time, I was dealing with shame, not guilt. And shame? Well, shame had no place in my life. 

Step 2: Shine a Light on Shame

Here's the thing about shame – it thrives in darkness. The moment you bring it into the light, it starts to lose its power. So, I started talking about it. To friends, to family, to my therapist, to my Life Coach. Every time I voiced my shame out loud, it felt a little less overwhelming. 

Step 3: Challenge Your Shame Story

We all have a shame story – that narrative we tell ourselves about why we're not good enough. Mine was all about productivity and perfection. I believed that unless I was constantly achieving, I wasn't worthy of love or success. 

Challenging this story was tough, but necessary. 

I had to constantly remind myself: "My productivity does not determine my worth. I am enough, just as I am." 

Step 4: Embrace Vulnerability

This was perhaps the scariest part of my journey. I had to learn to be vulnerable, to show up as my authentic self, imperfections and all.

It meant admitting when I was struggling, asking for help when I needed it, and letting others see the real me – not just the polished version I presented to the world. 

And now that we’re talking about this, I’d love to hear from you! In the comments let me know your journey with vulnerability.  Is it easy to ask for help, or allow yourself to be supported? Let me know below!

Step 5: Practice Self-Compassion

Phew, this one was also a doozy for me. I was so used to being my own harshest critic that treating myself with kindness felt almost wrong. 

But I learned to talk to myself the way I'd talk to a dear friend. 

When shame crept in, I'd counter it with compassion. "You're doing the best you can," I'd tell myself. "And that's enough." 

The Freedom of Letting Go: Life After Shame

Now, don't get me wrong, this journey wasn't a straight line. There were setbacks, moments of doubt, days when shame felt as heavy as ever.

But slowly, surely, things began to shift. I started to feel lighter, freer. 

I could make mistakes without spiraling into self-loathing.

I could set boundaries without feeling guilty. 

I could show up as my authentic self, flaws and all, and still feel worthy of love and connection. 

And you know what? My relationships improved. My work became more fulfilling. I was more present with my son, no longer constantly distracted by the voice of shame in my head. 

Your Turn: Embracing Your Warrior Spirit

So, Brave Soul, are you ready to embark on your own journey of overcoming guilt and shame? Here's what I invite you to do: 

1. Identify your shame triggers. What situations or thoughts send you into a shame spiral? 

2. Challenge your shame story. Is it really true that you're not good enough? Or is that just an old narrative you've been carrying around? 

3. Practice vulnerability. Share your struggles with someone you trust. Remember, shame can't survive in the light. 

4. Treat yourself with compassion. Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to your best friend. 

5. Celebrate your imperfections. They're what make you uniquely you. 

Remember, guilt says, "I made a mistake." Shame says, "I am a mistake." 

And I'm here to tell you, loud and clear: You are not a mistake.

You are worthy, you are enough, and you have the power to overcome guilt and shame. 

Your journey might not look exactly like mine. It might be messier, or longer, or take unexpected turns. 

But I promise you this: On the other side of shame is freedom. And you deserve to be free. 

In saying that, if you’re ready to set yourself free but don’t know how, go ahead and CLICK HERE to book a free coaching call. During this call, we’ll talk about where you feel stuck, simple strategies to practice feeling free NOW, and if we’re a good fit for a coaching relationship moving forward.

So let's raise our mugs (coffee, tea, or heck, even a cheeky glass of wine – no judgment here) to new beginnings. To shedding the weight of guilt and shame. To embracing our perfectly imperfect selves. 

#OvercomingShame #SelfWorth #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalWellness #AuthenticLiving #EmpoweringWomen

𝘗.𝘚. 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘐𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘴𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘢 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬. 𝘛𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘸𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦!